Melodious ballad with a calamitous end

The story of your life

Caring, existing hurt so much, that the beauty of it all perished at your hands

Once honey lips are now decaying flesh

Lifeless however, once sweet

I sit by the memory of your remains, wrestling with the decision that has been made

Praying for your resurrection, knowing that is not to ever be

You were lost in the melody of demons singing praises of mayhem

So frantic was your mind, that it led you to realize

That you would rather search for heaven while leaving your vessel on Earth

Forgiveness ≠ F*ck-withness

pexels-photo-1029141.jpegYes, I’m aware that “f*ck-withness is not a word, but it’s just so fun to say. Try it for yourself when you’re feeling adventurous! We are all very familiar with the concept of forgiving, however. Whether it is having to forgive ourselves, forgiving others, being forgiven or forgiving the cat for pooping on your bed/sofa/ shoe yet again. We are very familiar with it. Usually, we hear “forgive and forget,” which I only encourage you to execute half of that formula (psst. never forget! some famous person said that you are doomed to repeat it if you do). For a while, there was a question that was nagging me; a point that a loved one brought to my attention in regards to how I was handling a highly volatile situation. For reasons of privacy, I will refer to the offending party as “Loli” and omit any seedy details. But, in short, I found myself always in harms way anytime I was with Loli. She lived to argue and fight.
The question posed was “did you really forgive Loli if you no longer interact with her? My immediate response was, “HELL YEAH! I don’t have to deal with a person just because I forgave them. what kind of question is that?” I was promptly called bitter and unforgiving. But honestly, up until that point, I really had not even entertained the idea that Forgiveness = F*ck-withness for many!
So I had to ask myself a simple question. Was I doing forgiveness wrong? MUST I allow someone space in my life IF I have truly forgiven them?!??! pexels-photo-221164.jpeg

Yayee something new that I have to unlearn!… Maybe but maybe not
When we forgive others, it’s mainly for our own peace of mind. Because, let’s face it, most offenders are not asking for your forgiveness. They have unapologetically pissed on you and called it rain and views you as “overly sensitive” for asking that they at least acknowledge that they have hurt you. So yeah, we all do this for ourselves, to keep us from imploding and helping to release any animosity that may build up from never receiving that apology. In my opinion, forgiveness is a form of self-preservation. As is removing yourself from potentially harmful or toxic relationships, regardless of the relationship. If you had a friend that was often being harmed by their significant other, you would encourage them to leave every opportunity that you got! We seem to understand leaving a relationship when it is a romantic involvement. But what about those relationships that you were born into, those familial ties? It’s a little harder right!? Because we are hit with “but that’s your sister, brother, mom, dad, 4th cousin twice removed on your great aunt’s side”…FAMILY… That is your FAMILY. As if that validates all of the toxicity that you are enduring. I think we would forgive more quickly if the family member made a genuine effort to mend the relationship and actively tried to heal themselves to change for the better. But if that were the case, I wouldn’t be writing this blog! LMFAO!
As we know, bad habits die hard and, well, when it comes to this particular family member of mine, she did not (still doesn’t) see anything wrong with her repeated patterns of abuse and toxicity. So I removed myself. But I only made the decision after decades of trauma and lies. For me, it was the only thing that I could do to maintain my sanity and freedom. Yes, some people and family members will have you wondering if you can handle a few months in jail… No, you cannot and removing them from your life (as much as possible) is the cheaper, less scandalous way of resolving the matter.
Cutting off Loli’s access to me was one of the most courageous things that I had done at that time. It was the very definition of “I love you, but I love myself so much more.” Loli did not take it well initially. In fact, she called me up and, using her patented blend of conflict resolution, proceeded to berate and attempted to make me feel guilty for my decision. Again, it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but on that brief phone call, I realized that distancing myself from her was the ONLY option left for me if I wanted to regain my strength, peace of mind and emotional well-being.
No matter how much I wanted to continue that relationship or how I yearned for things to shift, I could not change Loli. I no longer had the desire to try, and it was foolish of me to think that I ever could. Hey, you live, and you learn. But I did find my power in the realization that I could change myself and was in charge of who had access to me.

After years of feeling awful for forgiving but cutting her out of my life, someone told me that it was the best thing that I could have done. PERIOD! That, just because we forgive those that hurt us, we are not obligated to continue interacting with them regardless of the relationship. That sat well with my soul because I knew that I genuinely forgave her but that I could not risk being around her. Because allowing her access to me meant denying myself peace. It wasn’t a decision that was widely accepted by the people that knew our relationship. However, as cold as it sounds, I had to make the best choice for myself.  All was forgiven, I was happy, and that really was all that mattered.  We should not feel guilty for ridding ourselves of toxic habits, thoughts, actions and yes, PEOPLE even if they are FAMILY. Forgiveness is wonderful! It sets us free! But Forgiveness DOES NOT EQUAL F*ck-withness. Now say it with me “Forgiveness ≠ F*ck-withness” and repeat as many times as needed.
Let me know your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.
Love and Light,
The MentalMigrant

The Shedding

I stuck around too long.
I seem to do that when I care.
I lingered around and you kept coming back because you knew that I was waiting there.

A strong hold you had on me. I told you this repeatedly. Be careful with me, I’d whisper as you ran about recklessly.
Bittersweet comes to mind when I think of you and I imagine it’s the same when you think of me too.
Two souls that met, I wanted ît to be sublime, but we connected only for several moments and not a lifetime.
I learned, I loved. I lingered. I left
I do wonder though if departuring rendered you bereft.

Memories of our last interaction tells me the answer is no. Regardless of how much I want to believe that my heart was not the only to grieve.
Our time, for me, was painful bliss. But only a forlorn romantic would describe it as this.
As dismal as this seems. the fact is that I grew. I have grown so much that my before is unrecognizable after you.

So yes, I stuck around far too long, this much is true but the wisdom I have gained would not be so if I’d prematurely left you.💛

Some will Learn You only to Burn You

It has been so long since I have written anything here or on any platform. It feels great to even have the desire to write again. I have so much to say! It is my sincerest hope that anyone that reads this is happy and healthy.

In 2019 I shared an idea with someone that told me I could trust them in fact, insisted that they were trustworthy. I was excited about this idea! I had shared this with two friends prior to this unscrupulous one and they loved it. They also kept my confidence and did not share it or use it for themselves. I took that for granted by assuming that because two other friends showed me that they could be trusted, this friend could be trusted as well. Insert a hearty belly laugh here because boy, was I wrong! I shared this idea with someone that insisted that they could be trusted not to use this information to their advantage and they did even after I repeatedly asked, told, and begged them not to.

Their audacity distracted me so much that I stepped away from my own projects. I did not want to admit that it rattled me so but it did. They assumed they could fix it by giving me “acknowledgement” for the idea. They had no qualms about what was done, no qualms about being a liar, no qualms about anything that was done AT ALL. I actually showed them more respect than they ever showed me by remaining cordial for a while, distant but cordial. Somewhere in me, I thought that I could “be the bigger person” (overrated by the way). But this kind of betrayal of trust is immensely telling of a person’s character and telling of what and HOW they think of me.

Sometimes people will literally beg you to trust them only to betray you. Those people truly are raggedy-toothed, mangy wolves in sheep’s clothing. They do serve a purpose however and I think that purpose is to remind us that we are not all the same. We are not all cut from the same clothe. Some are cut from an old, wet cardboard box that was pulled from the trash heap. Others are TRUSTWORTHY.

We should not stop being who we are or halt what we were doing because some jerk took advantage of us. Also we should not be afraid to speak our truths about our experience with these people. If they lied and/or hurt you in any way, admit it. It is actually okay to admit that someone mistreated you and to remove them from your life. If they wanted to be in it, they would have treated you better.

This occurred 2 years ago and it has taken me this long to find a way to release it. My being honest about how it affected me may help someone else. It is definitely helping me. I felt SUPER STUPID! I felt as though no one could be trusted ever again. But thankfully, I am wrong.

I learned several things from that ordeal. I learned that I am so very fortunate to actually have people in my life that I can truly trust. I have learned to rely on my instincts more and TRUST when it tells me not to trust. Yep, you read that correctly. I have also learned to not become jaded but also to guard myself, my projects and other things that I hold precious. And lastly, to never, EVER allow anything to knock me off course again! A song that I loved in my younger years comes to mind. It is by Men at Work and the chorus goes:

“Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody’s gonna slow me down
Oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving
Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride
I’m running and I won’t touch ground
Oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving”

This particular blog is more of a form of therapy for me. It is my way of getting back up, increasing my pace and to keep moving. I do hope that it helps someone else or, at a minimum, was/is entertaining.



white and black moon with black skies and body of water photography during night time

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com

If our communication ceased today and I lived to see 200 years of age, memory failing me, I would still remember you. The way your laughter moved me out of sadness, the way your optimism opened my eyes to paths I was once blind to, the way a simple touch elevated my spirits.

If I never saw your face again, heaven forbid, I’d forever remember the single dimple that added a boyish charm to your ruggedly handsome face, the softness of your eyes while you were deep in thought, the brilliance of your smile and all of your beautiful teeth. I would remember you and your kindness, your spirit, your essence. I imagine that I will remember you long after this world has forgotten me.