The Shedding

I stuck around too long.
I seem to do that when I care.
I lingered around and you kept coming back because you knew that I was waiting there.

A strong hold you had on me. I told you this repeatedly. Be careful with me, I’d whisper as you ran about recklessly.
Bittersweet comes to mind when I think of you and I imagine it’s the same when you think of me too.
Two souls that met, I wanted ît to be sublime, but we connected only for several moments and not a lifetime.
I learned, I loved. I lingered. I left
I do wonder though if departuring rendered you bereft.

Memories of our last interaction tells me the answer is no. Regardless of how much I want to believe that my heart was not the only to grieve.
Our time, for me, was painful bliss. But only a forlorn romantic would describe it as this.
As dismal as this seems. the fact is that I grew. I have grown so much that my before is unrecognizable after you.

So yes, I stuck around far too long, this much is true but the wisdom I have gained would not be so if I’d prematurely left you.💛

Some will Learn You only to Burn You

It has been so long since I have written anything here or on any platform. It feels great to even have the desire to write again. I have so much to say! It is my sincerest hope that anyone that reads this is happy and healthy.

In 2019 I shared an idea with someone that told me I could trust them in fact, insisted that they were trustworthy. I was excited about this idea! I had shared this with two friends prior to this unscrupulous one and they loved it. They also kept my confidence and did not share it or use it for themselves. I took that for granted by assuming that because two other friends showed me that they could be trusted, this friend could be trusted as well. Insert a hearty belly laugh here because boy, was I wrong! I shared this idea with someone that insisted that they could be trusted not to use this information to their advantage and they did even after I repeatedly asked, told, and begged them not to.

Their audacity distracted me so much that I stepped away from my own projects. I did not want to admit that it rattled me so but it did. They assumed they could fix it by giving me “acknowledgement” for the idea. They had no qualms about what was done, no qualms about being a liar, no qualms about anything that was done AT ALL. I actually showed them more respect than they ever showed me by remaining cordial for a while, distant but cordial. Somewhere in me, I thought that I could “be the bigger person” (overrated by the way). But this kind of betrayal of trust is immensely telling of a person’s character and telling of what and HOW they think of me.

Sometimes people will literally beg you to trust them only to betray you. Those people truly are raggedy-toothed, mangy wolves in sheep’s clothing. They do serve a purpose however and I think that purpose is to remind us that we are not all the same. We are not all cut from the same clothe. Some are cut from an old, wet cardboard box that was pulled from the trash heap. Others are TRUSTWORTHY.

We should not stop being who we are or halt what we were doing because some jerk took advantage of us. Also we should not be afraid to speak our truths about our experience with these people. If they lied and/or hurt you in any way, admit it. It is actually okay to admit that someone mistreated you and to remove them from your life. If they wanted to be in it, they would have treated you better.

This occurred 2 years ago and it has taken me this long to find a way to release it. My being honest about how it affected me may help someone else. It is definitely helping me. I felt SUPER STUPID! I felt as though no one could be trusted ever again. But thankfully, I am wrong.

I learned several things from that ordeal. I learned that I am so very fortunate to actually have people in my life that I can truly trust. I have learned to rely on my instincts more and TRUST when it tells me not to trust. Yep, you read that correctly. I have also learned to not become jaded but also to guard myself, my projects and other things that I hold precious. And lastly, to never, EVER allow anything to knock me off course again! A song that I loved in my younger years comes to mind. It is by Men at Work and the chorus goes:

“Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody’s gonna slow me down
Oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving
Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride
I’m running and I won’t touch ground
Oh no, I’ve got to keep on moving”

This particular blog is more of a form of therapy for me. It is my way of getting back up, increasing my pace and to keep moving. I do hope that it helps someone else or, at a minimum, was/is entertaining.

Ciao!

Forever

white and black moon with black skies and body of water photography during night time

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com

If our communication ceased today and I lived to see 200 years of age, memory failing me, I would still remember you. The way your laughter moved me out of sadness, the way your optimism opened my eyes to paths I was once blind to, the way a simple touch elevated my spirits.

If I never saw your face again, heaven forbid, I’d forever remember the single dimple that added a boyish charm to your ruggedly handsome face, the softness of your eyes while you were deep in thought, the brilliance of your smile and all of your beautiful teeth. I would remember you and your kindness, your spirit, your essence. I imagine that I will remember you long after this world has forgotten me.

BLOODLINE

hand full of blood

No shape or form
No consideration of others
Obliterating boundaries
Seemingly, everpresent.
Genetically prearranged or chosen out of ignorance?
Either way, it is extreme. It is brutal.
Wreaking havoc on the most delicate among us
Passed on from one elder to the other
The depths of this insanity perceived as unconquerable by the guilty
It is just the way it has always been, right?
Predictable, horrendous and lacking imagination
Robbing the young victims of peace, security, love, protection
Gleefully perpetuated throughout generations
It is not kind, it is not life, it is not hope, it is not love
Abuse and neglect, the only item you gave freely
Sadly, something also delivered to you. Passed down the family tree
An heirloom I enthusiastically relinquish.